I love FedEx!

I love FedEx, I love UPS, I love post offices and people who drive delivery vans!!!

Part of it is due to watching King of Queens late at night, part of it is due to me expecting a few parcels and amazed that things can be shipped from all around the world and change hands to me!! The little things we take for granted, how the world could stop running without the mail (reminds me of Newman in Seinfeld as well)... so appreciate the next letter you get and wonder where it came from and who had it last!

How do you cure a broken heart?

And for me the answer is, you wait
Through the moments when even inaction is too strenuous,
The time warp where the shortest second is too long
And the longest night, unbearable
When the world moves like clockwork while your heartbeat is weak
And your lids hang heavy but your eyes cannot sleep.
The wait is unearthly and the torture, divine
Like whips the minutes of doubt and unraveling regret
Slapping against your skin in wayward, clumsy design,
Parched and dying everything seems either mirage else cruel farce.
You crawl in the desert of your own mind,
Searching desperately for the next drop of water,
For if not, you surely must die
But the water never comes and yet your body inches on in unwanted miracle,
Superhuman? Or merely, an animal in fierce raw battle with the world?
The sun beats terribly upon your red, raw back
Every second surely must be your last, surely this pain will smite the very breath from your lungs,
With feverish cheeks you await the explosion of your infinitely fragile heart
But it does not come, but pumps on vengefully, mechanically in its empty shell,
Slowly leaking out the love it contained and replacing it with empty air or gall.
People walk by but they are aliens
For it seems no-one can understand your singular agony,
Surely no-one has ached as much as your emaciating heart
Or died a thousand times in a single night.
And the answer is, you wait,
Force food down your mouth to quiet your stomach,
Drink down water like its beer free-flowing from a tap,
Hold the bedpost tight through the nightmarish dark,
Drench your bedsheets from a dozen sweated shirts and a hundred other tears,
Howl to the moon even when it's light
Feel a werewolf's pain and the wildness of its eyes
Live exquisite moments of dullness and the plainness of hollows
The solitude of corners and the solace of shadows
You are out of harmony, disjointed from the world
Surely everyone must see you and rush you to the ward
But yet no-one does, and so the answer is that you wait.

Of late I've been into "vignette" movies more than anything else -- movies that are focused on capturing a few days or a few weeks in a character's life, which never have the impossible-fairy-tale-ending or the catastrophic tear-jerking moments, but rather boast of the quiet joys and small sorrows of everyday life. I like to see realistic characters with their quirks, to understand their daily struggles and the minor issues people deal with every day-- to fall in love with a character rather than a plot, to weep and celebrate for the small triumphs and tragedies with a few ordinary characters in the brutal honesty/ humility of normalcy. The slower pace of these types of movies, the simplicity of their scenes bring me close like a zoomed-in lens and I have to hold so still and rapt to get a sharp, beautiful picture, where each statement could be loaded with hidden meaning, and every scene cloaked with artistic beauty.



I had a set of posters once called "quiet beauty" -- a series of muted soft-lit photographs of flowers, vases, grapes, and I hung them on my wall because they were soothing and reminded me of the natural grace and calm present within simplicity. Isn't it amazing, that no matter where you are, in what area of the world, there is beauty? That beauty does not lie in just one specialized locale on the globe that we have to pilgrimage to in order to partake? Something I tend to take for granted.

It's not easy to do the right thing, neither is it always right to do the easy thing.

And so we hang on, clutching at what we can and hanging on with all our might........

Joanna Wang - Let's Start From Here

Giving up, why should I
I've come too far to forget
We're beautiful, we just got lost
Somewhere along the way
So much was missing when you went away

Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here

Standing here face to face
A finger on your lips
Don't say a word don't make a sound
Silence surrounds us now
Even when you were gone I felt you everywhere
Let' start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

I came across this song randomly again and it made me smile despite
myself. I have of late been bombarded with torrent after torrent of
opinions, objections, persuasions - what have you, and my mind has
been greatly turmoiled - but tonight, listening to a simple message,
reminds me that I have a core, and this core cannot be compromised
- and that my truth may as well be just as valid as another's truth, and
that gave me strength.  "I can't deny what I believe, and I can't be what 
I'm not".   I was doubting myself, thinking myself the victim of youth,
immaturity, inexperience, but even a child has feelings and real gut
instincts.  Even a child can feel good and can fear evil.  I have to trust
in myself and not let myself be torn apart by a thousand different horses
all pulling in myriad directions.   I was thus far believing myself to be
foolish and trying hard to impose an older point of view on myself and see
how I would look from the lens of someone much older and wiser -- but this
song, for the moment, liberated me to feel the earnestness and foolish
resolve of youth striving to survive in a world of cynicism - the flame must
be kept alive, for sometimes it is the only thing that is true and it is truly,
the stuff of dreams come true.

Because every dream comes from fluff, from nothing,
from the fervent imaginations of a feverish night,from
hundreds of lonely 3 ams when all the world is asleep.
And sometimes it is hopeless, impossible, defiant
belief that births the greatest of miracles.



No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true

No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

No matter what they tell you
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach you
What you believe is true

And I will keep you safe and strong
And sheltered  from the storm
No matter where it's barren
A dream is being born

No matter who they follow
No matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us
I'll be everyone you need

No matter if the sun don't shine
Or if the skies are blue
No matter what the end is
My life began with you

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know, I know
I know this love's forever
That's all that matters now
No matter what

Apple Cider tonight

Sipping cold sparkling apple cider on a hot sticky summer's night is one of life's little pleasures. While listening to Hallelujah, while the sky is black above and the stars all winking - for a moment, the world seems simple and almost pure. It is like an unexpected smile in the midst of a thousand sullen stares.