so help me God

Tonight I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself to do the right thing, and my mind suddenly and quietly added, "so help me God". This simple phrase, tacked at the back of solemn oaths, had never really made an impression on me but now it suddenly struck me as deeply valid and dearly vital. I think I do need to ask "so help me God" every time I make a promise, every time I make an important decision, every time I face a temptation, no matter how seemingly trivial. It reminds me that the price of goodness is extremely steep, and that to be a constantly and consistently good person is a in fact a Herculean task. I told myself that in even in my daily life - not before a court or a pastor, I would silently ask "so help me God" to get through any struggles; Now that I better understand the levity of adulthood and all its complexities, I realize that the potential to fall short lies in every corner.

To do good, often it is necessary to deny oneself, or to cut deeply into the flesh of one's own urgent desires and instincts. And yet that is so counter-intuitive - my entire mind and body fights for selfish gratification, while my conscience reins both back -- painfully, and it hurts excruciatingly to be held back in spite of my natural inclinations. "Do the right thing" is sometimes so painful that it feels so "wrong", because it goes against what I would do if I were moral-less, religion-less, society-less, friend-less, people-less-- if I were just a self-satisfying animal creature surviving for no other purpose than survival itself. But I'm not. So we tame the beast inside that is rearing to be let wild and to live carpe diem, my conscience the bit in my mouth and the blinders that shut my eyes from the temptations all around me; I live for another day and for another purpose, and do not indulge in my wanton, irresponsible wants.